There is a word that has invaded boardrooms, classrooms, churches, conferences, Zoom meetings and family gatherings. It appears everywhere. It serves no useful purpose, contributes nothing to the conversation and yet millions of people use it every day.
The word is “umm.”
Closely followed by its cousins: “errrr,” “ahhh,” “you know,” and “like.”
In some presentations, these words appear so frequently that they deserve their own seats on stage.
I once listened to a speaker who began his presentation this way: “Good morning, everyone. Um… today, um… I’m here to, um… discuss, um…” By that point, the audience had completely forgotten what he was discussing and had started an internal competition. “How many ums can we count before the first slide appears?”
Public speaking is difficult enough without turning your filler words into co-presenters.
The interesting thing is that most people don’t realize they use filler words. Inside their heads, they sound perfectly normal. To everyone else, however, it sounds as if their brain is buffering like a poor internet connection. The mouth is open, sound is coming out, but the message is still loading.
So why do filler words happen?
The answer is surprisingly simple. Your brain is thinking, but your mouth doesn’t want to wait. A gap appears between one idea and the next. Instead of embracing silence, many speakers panic and fill the gap with noise.
Think about it. When somebody asks you a difficult question, your brain naturally needs a moment to process it. A confident person pauses and thinks. A nervous speaker often says, “Ummmm…” The audience immediately knows two things. First, you’re still thinking. Second, you’re trying to hide the fact that you’re still thinking.
The irony is that silence is usually far more powerful than filler words.
Imagine a journalist asks a CEO, “Why did profits fall last year?” The CEO pauses for two seconds before answering. What does the audience think? Most likely, “This person is carefully considering the question.”
Now imagine the CEO responds with, “Ummm… errr… you know… ah…” Suddenly the impression changes. The person’s intelligence may be exactly the same, but the delivery creates a different perception.
One of the most effective exercises for reducing filler words is what I call the Silent Pause Drill. The concept is beautifully simple. When someone asks you a question, pause briefly before answering. Not for so long that people begin checking their watches, but just long enough to collect your thoughts.
At first, this feels uncomfortable. Your brain will scream, “Say something! Anything!” Ignore it. You are training yourself to become comfortable with silence.
And silence is one of the most underrated tools in communication.
A pause creates emphasis. A pause signals confidence. A pause allows ideas to breathe. Most importantly, a pause gives your audience time to think.
The second exercise is recording your conversations. Not speeches. Conversations.
Most people are shocked when they hear themselves. One gentleman I coached discovered he said “you know” so frequently that it sounded like a verbal subscription service. Another realized that every sentence began with the word “basically.”
Awareness is powerful. You cannot fix what you cannot hear.
Recording yourself is a little like checking your teeth in a mirror. You may discover things you would rather not know, but it is far better to know than not to know.
The third exercise is deliberate answering. The next time someone asks you a question, resist the urge to respond immediately. Pause. Think. Answer.
Watch experienced television interview guests and you’ll notice how often they do this. They understand that thoughtful answers sound better than rushed answers.
Many beginners worry that silence makes them appear nervous. In reality, the opposite is often true. A brief pause can make you sound more composed, more credible, more professional and more in control.
Let’s be realistic. The goal is not perfection. Human beings are not robots. Even experienced speakers occasionally use filler words. The objective is reduction, not elimination.
Think of filler words like salt. A small amount is acceptable. Too much ruins the meal.
Your audience should remember your ideas, not your “ums.” They should remember your message, not your “ahs.” They should remember your insights, not your “you knows.”
The next time you feel an “umm” trying to escape from your mouth, try something radical. Say nothing. Pause. Breathe. Think. Then continue.
You may discover that the most powerful thing you can say is absolutely nothing at all.
Stay on cue.
Kafui Dey is a media and communications trainer. Email him at [email protected]
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