There’s a huge distinction between being single and settling for less than you deserve. Being single isn’t about waiting for someone to complete you. It’s about being complete on your own, and then finding someone who appreciates that completeness.
I’m Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and a relationship expert. I’ve learned through my experiences that the key to a successful relationship is emotional maturity.
In this article, I’ll share with you the 8 signs of emotional maturity that you should look for in your partner. Because you deserve more than just someone. You deserve someone emotionally mature.
Let’s get started.
1) Emotional self-awareness
Emotional maturity isn’t just about how a person treats others. It starts from within, with emotional self-awareness.
This is the capacity to recognize and understand your own emotions. It involves being able to identify what you’re feeling and why, and knowing how your emotions can affect your thoughts and actions.
It’s like being an emotional detective, constantly on the case of your own feelings.
In a relationship, someone with emotional self-awareness can communicate their feelings effectively. They can express when they’re upset, happy, or anxious without blaming or criticizing their partner.
Being with someone who possesses this trait can lead to a healthier and more open relationship. Misunderstandings can be minimized and conflicts can be resolved constructively.
Don’t rush into a relationship with just anyone. Stay single until you find someone who demonstrates this sign of emotional maturity – emotional self-awareness. It’s not about being alone, but about waiting for someone who truly understands themselves.
2) Empathy
I’ve seen countless relationships in my career, and one thing that consistently contributes to a strong, healthy partnership is empathy.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It’s about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and truly feeling what they’re going through.
Maya Angelou once wisely said, “I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.”
This ability to empathize can be a game-changer in a relationship. It allows for a deep emotional connection and understanding that surpasses surface-level interactions.
Hold out for someone who shows empathy. It’s a sign of emotional maturity that can significantly enhance the quality of your relationship. It’s not just about finding someone who loves you, but finding someone who genuinely understands and feels with you.
3) Independence
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned, both personally and professionally, is the importance of independence in a relationship.
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Independence doesn’t mean spending all your time apart. It’s about being able to stand on your own two feet, even within a relationship. It’s about having your own interests, your own thoughts, and your own friends.
In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into why maintaining individuality is crucial for a healthy relationship.
When you’re with someone who values their independence and respects yours, it leads to a balanced relationship. You can support each other without relying on each other for happiness.
Wait for someone who understands the importance of being independent. It’s another sign of emotional maturity that can make your relationship stronger and healthier in the long run.
4) Comfort in vulnerability
This point may seem counterintuitive. After all, we often equate maturity with strength, and strength with stoicism. But let me tell you, emotional maturity actually involves comfort in vulnerability.
Being comfortable with vulnerability is about being open to feelings of fear, sadness, and inadequacy. It’s about recognizing that it’s okay to not have all the answers and to make mistakes.
In a relationship, this translates to being able to open up to your partner, even when it’s hard. It means letting them see your flaws and insecurities, and trusting them not to exploit them.
Someone who’s comfortable with their vulnerability not only accepts their imperfections but also understands that everyone has them. They’re likely to be more accepting of your own vulnerabilities and less likely to use them against you.
It might seem counterintuitive, but it’s a sign of emotional maturity that can lead to a deeper emotional connection in your relationship.
5) Accountability
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years as a relationship expert, it’s that accountability is a critical component of emotional maturity.
Accountability is about taking responsibility for your actions and their consequences. It’s about owning up to your mistakes and making amends, instead of blaming others or making excuses.
In a relationship, someone who’s accountable doesn’t shy away from saying “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry.” They understand that they’re human and that making mistakes is a part of life. But more importantly, they learn from these mistakes and strive to do better.
It’s not about finding someone flawless, but finding someone who acknowledges their flaws and is willing to grow.
6) Acceptance of change
Life is unpredictable. It is a roller coaster ride filled with ups, downs, twists, and turns. And let me be brutally honest here; if you’re looking for a partner who isn’t ready to accept change, you’re setting yourself up for a bumpy ride.
Acceptance of change is about understanding that nothing in life is permanent. It’s about being flexible and adaptable, instead of rigid and resistant.
In a relationship, someone who accepts change understands that both of you will grow and evolve over time. They won’t try to keep you or the relationship in a fixed box. Instead, they’ll ride the waves of change with you, holding your hand and navigating the challenges together.
7) Patience
I’ve often been asked, “Tina, what’s one quality that’s absolutely essential in a partner?” My answer has always been the same – patience.
Patience is about being able to wait calmly in the face of frustration or adversity. It’s about staying composed, even when things don’t go according to plan.
As the renowned philosopher, Aristotle, once stated, “Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”
In a relationship, patience can mean the difference between a petty argument and a full-blown fight. A patient partner can weather the storm, hold their tongue when they’re angry, and wait for the right time to discuss issues.
8) Self-love
Here’s the raw truth: If someone doesn’t love themselves, they can’t fully love someone else.
Self-love is the foundation of emotional maturity. It’s about respecting yourself, valuing your own well-being and happiness, and not settling for less than you deserve.
In a relationship, someone with self-love won’t depend on you for their self-worth. They won’t expect you to fix them or fill a void in their life. Instead, they’ll bring their whole selves into the relationship, contributing to its growth and enriching it with their self-confidence.
Conclusion
Choosing to stay single until you find someone who displays these signs of emotional maturity isn’t about setting unrealistic expectations. It’s about knowing your worth and wanting a relationship that’s healthy, balanced, and fulfilling.
These signs are not an exhaustive list, but they provide a solid starting point for understanding what emotional maturity looks like.
In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into these aspects and more to help you build a stronger, healthier relationship.
Remember, it’s not about finding the perfect partner; it’s about finding the right partner for you. And that person is worth waiting for.
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